One final preparation remained. And, as befitted Sauronıs household, it was quite obscene. Katy stopped outside the tea room and let go of Dickıs penis. I saw a small table with a Moistex pad on it, unopened, beside the door, plus an empty glass flower vase and a box of kleenex. I wondered at them. The vase had a long graceful neck but it had been broken near the top of its neck, perhaps to make its vase mouth wider. It looked as if it had once been rather narrow at the top of its swan-like neck but now, being broken a little down, there was more room for things to be put inside it. Yet flower stems were all the same, were they not? What else could one put in a pretty vase like that? Katy picked up the vase and turned and held it under Dickıs cockhead. ³Make water,² she told him. ³Huh?² Dick asked. He watched as she tipped the vase forward a little so that its mouth enclosed the crown of Dickıs penis. He quivered in that smooth cut glass opening. Its edges were sharp, and Katy had to be careful lest she cut him. ³You cannot enter the tea room with pee in your penis, or your bladder, or wherever you men keep it. It would be impure. Japanese tradition requires that you pee before having your tea.² She looked up at him, smiling, still holding the vase quite carefully. ³Anyways, youıll pee more from drinking lots of tea, so lets start fresh so you donıt have to excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, big boy.² I did not know whether Katy was lying or telling the truth. But Dick, inspired by his dangerous situation and her sensuous eyes, peed lustily. His stream burst forth and he filled the vase almost to its rim. Katy had to be even more careful then, for if she wasnıt sheıd spill all the pee Dick had given her onto Sauronıs carpeted floor. She placed the vase down onto the small table. It looked golden sitting there, light shafting through it from a lamp nearby. Katy ripped open the Moistex pad with her fingers and gently wiped Dickıs pee slit on his cockhead. He shivered a little at the alcohol impregnated in the pad. ³There, now youıre all ready for tea,² Katy said to him. She looked at me. ³We girls must pee in pots,² she said. She pointed to two painted gold pots sitting discreetly against the wall on the far side of the table. I fetched mine. It was small like a bowl, but high enough in its shape that I might pee into it without splashing too much on myself. I fetched a kleenex for when I was done and I squatted. Katy got her bowl and placed it on the floor next to me and squatted over hers, kleenex in hand. Dick watched, bright eyed. Lifting our kimonos so we couldnıt mess ourselves, Katy and I peed into our bowls. We wiped ourselves. We deposited our kleenex into our bowls. Mine floated on my pee, like a crumpled boat. Katy took my bowl, hers also, and set them beside Dickıs vase on the table. ³Someone will empty them,² she smiled. ³Now letıs go inside.² Our gowns billowing, our footsteps soft, we made our way into the tea room. I got a nod from Katy and accepted it as permission to sit. Wearing only my collar round my throat, with my kimono open to show my breasts, I sat down for traditional Japanese tea. Dick sat at the next place. His penis, elevated by the wood on which he sat, thrust itself onto the table. Katy smirked and seated herself on a cushion of her own. ³Whereıs Sauron?² Dick asked. The inevitable question, and heıd had the courage to broach it. Katy settled herself on her cushion, letting her legs lie open, pulling her kimono up so that it did not block the view of her sex between her criss-crossed Indian-style legs. She reached over and adjusted Dickıs robe so that his balls and his penis would be displayed more completely. ³Sauron must be busy,² she answered. ³Iım sure heıll join us soon.² She smiled at me and made sure I lifted and parted my kimono so that my pussy would show as easily and freely as hers did. Then she clapped her hands together, once. To my utter shock and amazement, a servant appeared. And it was no ordinary servant, either, like the faceless ones Miriam had. It was Jennifer! She stepped out from what must have been the kitchen, her head bowed, her hair done up Geisha-style like Katyıs was. But she wore no formal kimono. Instead a simple white blouse covered her otherwise nude figure, wafting at her waist, dipping just low enough to hide her hips but leaving her pussy bare. Jenniferıs fur was completely on display, and as I watched her mincing steps I doubted not that she would have preferred to have panties on, even panties that creased her thighs. ³Jenniferıs learning to be our tea server,² Katy said. ³We procured her from her boyfriend. Sheıll learn more from us.² I wanted to ask how sheıd been procured. But I knew. Somehow Sauron, in his rage, having lost to Dick, had found a way, Agamemnon-like, to steal himself a substitute prize. And here she was, all ivory-skinned and sweet, trembling a little as she approached us, her nails lacquered and her hair elaborately done up and her makeup perfect. She bore a small bronze vessel. It was hot and steam wafted up from it. Jennifer wiggled her nose a little as the rising steam tickled it. I guessed it heated her bosoms a little and made her billowy shirt stick a little to them. She held the tea kettle away from her so that her perky nipples wouldnıt be injured by its hot bronze surface. Alluring in her nudity, she wore big oven mitts on her hands to keep them from touching the tea pot. Jennifer knelt carefully with the pot and then placed it on a hot plate beside our low table. Like the table, the hot plate sat on the floor. A small stand was under it to keep it off the woven floor mats that ran underneath us. The room smelled of bamboo, not a heavy smell, like in old Asian houses, but a fresh scent, as if the bamboo had just been cut and brought in from the jungle to serve us during our ceremony. MAGAZINE REVIEWS by holy joe Cosmopolitan, March 1998, $2.95. No web site listed. Review: The girl who packed my bags at the grocery store gave me a weird look when she saw me buying this magazine. I canıt help it. Itıs got some great information in it about sex. Which brings up the question, why are the ladiesı magazines about sex sold in the grocery store, where any child can read them, while mensı magazines about sex: a. arenıt even sold in the grocery store, and b. canıt be bought or viewed by anyone under 18? Thereıs better information about sex in this issue of Cosmopolitan than Iıve ever seen in any issue of Playboy, Penthouse, or Hustler. Consider these tips: ³If you want to get your guy off orally, first spend some time stimulating his body from the navel to the knees with your hair. It feels great! Then, focus your warm breath and kisses on the head of his penis and the part thatıs just beneath. For most men, the sensation is the same as if you had the entire penis in your mouth. Also, make hand play an active part of oral sex -- lightly caress his testicles and stroke the shaft of his penis. This helps increase the intensity of whatever youıre doing with your mouth.² (page 223). (Just think, America, your 8-year-old daughter may be standing in the grocery store reading that right now! And you thought banning the Internet from her life would keep her from finding out about sex...) There are many other great ideas in this issue of Cosmopolitan. I donıt want to violate their copyright by retyping it all on the Internet, but let me list just a few: (All of these are written for females to do, to males.) (I suppose gays could try it too, of course:) 1. Blow-job your man with frozen grapes in your mouth. 2. To make his dick feel warm, spray your mouth with Binaca breath spray just before sucking him. Mint-flavored toothpaste also works. 3. Place a vibrator against your cheek. Then, suck your manıs penis. 4. Stroke or lick the hairless underside of a manıs balls. 5. Use a soft, manual toothbrush on his body (or yours). 6. ³Use silk scarves or a pair of your panty hose to tie his ankles and wrists together. ... Blindfold him and have him identify what youıre doing: Slide an ice cube over his body or lick whipped cream or chocolate sauce off his chest.² (page 226) 7. Blow-job your man with yogurt in your mouth. 8. Unzip your manıs fly with your teeth. 9. ³Go to the supermarket wearing nothing but a raincoat.² (page 226) There are many, many other suggestions in this issue of Cosmopolitan. I skipped over the ones dealing with the female body since it would take too much brain-power for me to try to figure them out. (Even with Grayıs Anatomy sitting here by my computer.) But, from a manıs point of view, I think I hit all the really important ones. It looks like the Christian Perdition has their work cut out for them if theyıre going to save America from sex... Sexually Frustrated by Laura Kramer Would it be wrong, to push against a wall, to kiss you? Hard. To pin your arms above your head, and press my body against yours. Hard. To feel you. How wonderful I would feel if you took me. Laid me down and pressed your body onto mine. Felt me. Kissed me. Fulfill my need for passion. Grasp it in your hand, and release it upon my waiting body. And then, after the need for passion has subsided, lay next to me, while I trace the lines of your body. To begin to know you, so that I can mold my body to yours and still feel the heat. Is it wrong to want this? To need this?