janie pt 2

i couldn't stand it any more so i cheated.  this morning, after my husband
went to work and my daughters went to school, i locked up the house, finished
my dishes and went to plan b.

i have read that self-spanking isn't supposed to be as good as someone else
doing it, but i have been mad with the need for this.  i wasn't sure what
would work, so i got the bath brush which looks like a wide hair brush with a
long handle, one of my husbands belts, my husbands hair brush, a wooden spoon
and one of the ping pong paddles.  i wasn't sure which would work for self
spanking and i didn't want to have to stop in the middle.

my husband is a gadget freak and we have a video camera in our family room.
my husband was recording himself the other night so he could see how he looked
and sounded when giving a speech and the camera was still hooked up to the
vcr.  i also knew that i could switch it over so that it would not record, but
just send the signal directly to the tv because i wanted to watch myself get
spanked.

it only took me 15 minutes to get everything set up.  i set the camera up so
it was aimed at my husbands big over stuffed chair, which i had pushed into
the middle of the room so i could see the tv clearly.

this chair comes up to just above my hips and i have leaned over the back of
it while cleaning before and found myself feeling tingly just from bending
over like that.  i placed all the tools on the seat of the chair and then
removed all of my clothes except for my t-shirt.

the tv showed that i was ready and i almost went to put in a tape so i could
record but i was afraid the kids might see it.

i decided to start with the belt.  so i stood up so i was just leaning against
the chairback and began to swing the belt so it hit my bottom with a very
crisp snap.  OUCH!  i was very surprised at how much it hurt, but i was more
surprised at how good it felt.  i decided that ten snaps with the belt would
be enough to get me started and i began to swing the belt so that it connected
in a regular timely fashion.  by the fourth snap, i was crying out and my
bottom was beginning to feel hot, but i made myself keep going til i got to
ten.  unfortunately, i know that the last snaps were not as firm as the first
few.

i studied my bottom in the tv screen and decided that i had not had enough so
i moved on to my bath brush.  i pushed my self forward so that I was
completely bent over the chairback til my feet no longer touched the ground.

the bath brush was much easier to control and once i got into a rhythm, i
couldn't stop myself from crying out in pain and pleasure with each smack.
after the third stroke, i stopped and went over to the vcr and put in a fresh
tape and began to record.  then i finished bathbrushing my bottom, til i had
applied five more swats on each side.  i took a break between each pair of
swats because they really stung.

i noticed that the harder i spanked myself, the more pain i felt, but also the
more excited i got.  the vibrations and the heat were amazing.

i then used the wooden spoon and decided that i needed 25 spanks on each
cheek.  those were the hardest to bear because all that spank in the small
area of the bowl of the wooden spoon stung like fire.  but, i found a rhythm
and began to alternately apply spanks to myself until i was through and i was
very surprised cause i was crying a little with the soreness.

by now, my bottom was red all over and hurt like the dickens, but i still
wanted more.  i looked over my tools and decided that i would use my husbands
hair brush (since i was really wanting him to be paddling me) and i decided
that for being a coward and not going to him about my need, i would give
myself 15 swats on each cheek as hard as i could.  i figured out a pattern and
a rhythm and began to spank myself with the hair brush.

from the first swat, i felt something within me that i had not expected.  and
suddenly i was no longer paying any attention to the tv, but began to imagine
that my husband was actually doing the spanking.  i could almost hear him
telling me that if i had trusted him enough to ask, he would have been willing
to discuss it.  suddenly i had no control of the brush or my hand and the
spankings went on for quite a while as my husbands voice seemed to tell me
that he was disappointed that i had shared such a personal thing with total
strangers but was unwilling to approach him about it.  i heard the sorrow and
the pain in his voice as he told me how much he loved me and the children and
that he wondered why i couldn't trust him enough to be honest with him.  and
if i wasn't honest in this matter, maybe there were other matters where i was
holding back on him and maybe he couldn't trust ME.

the spankings went on while the voice inside my head sadly made me realize
that i was not a good wife and that i had not trusted his love and that i
didn't deserve his love.

i came back to the real world still bent over the chair with my face covered
in tears and my bottom burning uncontrolably.  the hair brush had fallen to
the floor.  i managed to very slowly push myself off the chairback til i was
able to stand on very wobbly knees.  i used my t-shirt to wipe my face and
notice that the vcr was still running and i had recorded over an hour of tape.

that was at 10 am and now it is nearly noon.  i cleaned everything up, then
took a cooling shower in the hopes of putting out the fire in my bottom.  i
got dressed.  and now i am typing this so you all will know what happened.  i
am feeling terrible because i realize how much i have hurt my husband without
my even knowing it.  but that is no excuse.

i called my mother-in-law to ask her to take the kids tonight and she is even
going to pick them up from school for me.  i called my husband and asked him
to come straight home because i need to talk to him.

i am typing this while standing up as there is NO way i can sit down, not even
 on a pillow.  i realize i will have to talk to my husband about this.  i
cannot hide what all my selfspanking has done to my bottom.

i am going to print out my posts and give them to my husband to read when he
gets home from work.  then i am going to play the video tape for him.  then i
am going to take whatever comes to me, even if that means never getting
spanked by him.