Elim Garak heaved a long-suffering sigh as he examined his handiwork. "The things I do for interspecies romance," he muttered to himself. Still, if this appealed to his sentimental young lover, it would be well worth the effort. Julian Bashir was, he had found, unabashedly responsive to such gestures. Especially so when he perceived that Garak was making a heroic attempt to cater to human cultural values. More like oddities! thought the Cardassian. This particular Earth holiday surely fit *that* category. An entire day devoted to a frenzy of flowers, candy, and cloying sentiment. But he'd already found out the hard way that such a cynical observation was not welcome. What had Julian called him....oh, yes. "Romantically impaired!" Well, this particular gesture ought to impress the human. Garak had gone to considerable trouble and expense to obtain the gift he now held. The supplier certainly considered the combination to be exceedingly strange, but he had come through as the tailor had specified. The results waited in a heart-shaped box, festooned with red ribbons and a single rose. Both box and flower had been in stasis since their dispatch and would be presented to Bashir - with appropriate declarations of devotion - after their dinner tonight. Satisfied with that portion of the plans, Garak turned his attention to culinary matters. If the way to a human's heart was through his stomach, then he was confident his efforts would meet with approval. Again, that odd link between organs and romance! It made his gift doubly appropriate, though. He shook his head in bemusement and set himself to work in his tiny kitchen. At the appointed hour, his door chimed softly, then slid aside to reveal the slim figure of the station's doctor. Julian Bashir stepped into the room, flashing a smile that set a Cardassian heart thumping faster. "Good evening, Garak," he all but purred. The tailor's response was non-verbal. With one swift move he enveloped Bashir in his arms, holding the slender body to his as he fastened his lips to Bashir's waiting mouth. They explored each other hungrily for long seconds, then Julian gently broke the embrace. "My goodness, Garak, could it possibly be that you missed me?" "It's been three days, doctor. What's the human cliché - absence makes the heart grow fonder?" "Well, there's another cliché - out of sight, out of mind - but I'd rather agree with the first one. I missed you too, Garak. The conference was interesting, but it's good to be home - and just in time for Valentine's Day! Here, I've brought you something for the occasion." He brought one hand out from behind his back and proffered a squat bottle tied with a sparkling bow. "Great Gul, Julian, Tholian champagne? However did you get this treasure?" Julian grinned happily. "A Tholian colleague at the conference who owed me a large favor. I thought we'd have it for dessert." "Splendid idea - although I had something else in mind as well." Stepping close to the human again, he slid one hand into the soft hair at the back of his head. Bright blue eyes stared into deep brown; then their lips met again, in a kiss not quite as hungry, but no less heartfelt than the first. This time Garak was the first to disengage. "Come, my dear doctor. Our Valentine's feast awaits." Keeping hold of one hand, he led Julian to the dining alcove. Bashir exclaimed aloud at the sight of the table, beautifully set with candles, flowers, and exotic china. "Garak, this is exquisite. And *so* romantic. I didn't know you had it in you!" "One tries, doctor," said Garak modestly, bringing a covered dish to the table. "Please sit - we'll start with a hot appetizer. A Cardassian shellfish, reputed to increase lovers' stamina." Bashir rolled his eyes and sat, laughing. The two ate in companionable silence, hands occasionally touching as they passed plates to one another. Finally, Bashir sat back and sighed, patting his flat stomach. "Oh, my, Garak. You've really outdone yourself. That was the best meal I've had in months. I'm quite stuffed!" "Not overly so, I hope. We still have the champagne and dessert. Actually, dessert comes in two acts tonight." Julian quirked a questioning eyebrow at the tailor. "I have a small Valentine's Day offering for you. Something in keeping with your holiday traditions." He left the table and returned with something hidden behind his back. Bashir sat up attentively, eager as a small boy. "For you, dearest Julian." He handed over the box with a flourish. "I don't believe it," laughed Bashir. "A heart-shaped box of chocolates! I've always wanted someone to give *me* one!" "And not just ordinary chocolates, Julian. Delavian chocolates, with a very special filling. I don't mind telling you I went to considerable lengths to get these particular confections." "Delavian! My favorite!" Julian was beaming as he dove greedily into the box. He nabbed a chocolate and, popping it into his mouth, bit down in anticipation of bliss. Watching his lover intently, Garak was startled to see Julian's eyes appear to bug out of his head. An expression of shock and dismay passed across his face, closely followed by a grimace of disgust. Garak jumped to his feet in alarm as Bashir began to choke and cough. The red-faced doctor lunged for his water glass and swallowed a huge gulp, then slumped back into his seat still sputtering, his eyes watering. A near-frantic Cardassian knelt by his side, offering a napkin. "Julian! Are you all right?" Bashir grabbed the napkin and wiped at his eyes. A sickened look showed in them as he put the cloth to his lips and indelicately spat something into it. He coughed a few more times, then turned to his friend. "Garak....what....what the hell was *in* those chocolates!? God, that was awful! Something....ugh! Slimy, warm...." He coughed again, looking decidedly unwell. "Why - fresh b'geth hearts, doctor. A rare treat from the Tolav system. Treasured by lovers, they're harvested from select b'geth and preserved in their natural state for shipment all over the quadrant. I special-ordered these months ago and had the best confectioners' on Tolav use them to fill these chocolates." Julian was staring at him in horror, turning pale. "What's 'b'geth'?" "A small, ranch-bred mammal. They're also a food crop, but it's their hearts that are, traditionally, most sought after as love tokens. I thought you'd...." His sentence cut off as Julian bolted from his chair and streaked into Garak's bathroom, slamming the door behind him. A bewildered Cardassian followed him hurriedly. Puzzlement segued into alarm as he heard the unmistakable sounds of a human rejecting his stomach contents. Now thoroughly frightened, he pounded on the door. "Julian! What's wrong? B'geth isn't poisonous to humans - didn't the stasis field keep them fresh? Talk to me - Julian!" The only reply was the sound of running water. Garak gave the unyielding door one last smack and, resigning himself to waiting, sat down on the carpet by the door. Finally, it opened. A distinctly bedraggled doctor emerged, pale-faced and shaky. Without a word to the Cardassian, he wobbled back to his chair and collapsed onto it. The chagrined tailor followed and sat facing him, waiting. Bashir sighed, gulped more water, and regarded Garak with a sheepish look. "Garak, I'm so sorry. I know you went to a lot of effort to get me what you thought'd be a lovely Valentine - but good grief, Garak! Raw, warm, alien organs covered in chocolate - ugh! That has got to have been one of the nastiest things I've ever put in my mouth!" Garak bit back an unworthy comment that came to mind. Instead, he somewhat petulantly said, "I don't understand, doctor. You and other Terrans seem to like *gagh*, for instance - it didn't seem like that much of a leap to think you'd appreciate something as legendary and traditional as b'geth. And I truly thought the Delavian chocolate added a nice touch." Julian made a face. "I think it was the unexpectedness of it that threw me. Biting into what I thought would be a sweet, creamy filling and instead getting a mouthful of....oh, dear. I'd better stop that train of thought before I get sick again." He fell silent, as did the tailor. Garak sat and stared at his lap, embarrassed - and disappointed! that his love offering had proved so disastrous. A familiar sound jerked his head up. He stared in astonishment at his beloved doctor, who was.... laughing! Soft chuckles gave way to outright guffaws, as Julian leaned back and laughed until tears ran down his cheeks. Uncertain of how to react, Garak just watched wordlessly. He began to feel irritated: surely his lover wasn't laughing at him? At last Bashir's mirth subsided. With a last giggle, he left his seat and knelt before Garak, looking into the puzzled blue eyes with affection. He touched Garak's cheek apologetically, although his eyes still sparkled with suppressed laughter. "Oh, Garak, I'm not laughing at you, I promise. I was just thinking...." he stifled another snort of merriment...."this has got to be *the* topper to all the cultural misunderstandings you and I have had! Even more so than the time you thought 'blow job' meant I wanted you to use a v...v..vacuum cleaner on me!" "Or that first time, when you thought the swelling of my neck ridges was an allergic reaction to the lubricant?" Garak began to smile, feeling relaxed again. He reached out and drew Julian to his chest. Bashir returned the hug and the two remained entwined for a few minutes, nuzzling at each other affectionately. Garak kissed his way down the long, slender neck and murmured, "I regret causing you such distress, doctor. I wanted so much to give you a Valentine's Day surprise." "Well, you certainly did just that," giggled Bashir. "And I'm really, really sorry I ruined it by....well, I'm sorry. It was a lovely dinner!" An idea was forming in the Cardassian's mind. "Ah, my dear Julian. You don't sound remorseful enough to me. I believe you require....punishment." The doctor drew back his head and regarded his friend solemnly. His eyes, however, danced. "Oh, dear. You intend to punish me?" Garak nodded slowly. "Yes. Punishment is definitely called for. Your body must be severely chastised for this insult." He stood suddenly, sweeping Bashir's slight form into his arms. "Punish- ment shall begin immediately." "Then dessert?" said Bashir brightly. Garak replied by bringing his lips down to Julian's in a lingering kiss. He carried the doctor into his bedroom and over to the high bed, where he suddenly dropped him from a height of about half a meter. Julian landed with a soft mmmff! of surprise, but quickly catching on, rolled over in an apparent attempt to escape. But the Cardassian straddled him swiftly. "Oh, no, doctor. You will not escape me so easily." He began to pull at the fastenings to Julian's uniform. When the doctor tried to do the same for him, he gently batted the hands away. "No. Be still. You will lie there and accept your punishment." The human subsided and gazed up at Garak, eyes shining with anticipation. Slowly, Garak stripped the slender body. Slowly, he revealed the graceful limbs, the smooth expanse of caramel skin that never failed to captivate him. When Julian was naked, the tailor began to explore. Slowly, he stroked his big hands over Julian's shoulders, strumming down his sides and across the taut abdomen. His fingers trailed down each of Julian's thighs, carefully avoiding the stiffening length of the human penis. When Julian moaned with longing, he smiled. "Oh, not yet. Remember, this is punishment." He stroked back up to the lean, muscular chest, where he encountered two rapidly hardening nipples. "And what's this?" he purred. "One would almost think you were anticipating this...." He caressed the soft nubs until they thrust tautly into his hands. "Ah! Garak!" Bashir threw back his head and groaned. He lifted his narrow hips off the bed, his body begging for more. Garak smiled down at the beautiful sight. "Do you require even more punishment?" The tailor slipped his hands under Bashir, cupping the small curves of his buttocks. He pulled Julian's hips ever so slightly upward, bending his head downwards teasingly. "Oh, no, no. Don't punish me any more, please!" Bashir wriggled in Garak's grip. The sinuous movement of the smooth ass he held inflamed Garak even further. "So you think you have suffered enough, my dear?" The doctor only whimpered. "I do not. I think perhaps you're not taking this in the spirit I intended. More severe measures are obviously in order." He brought his hands out from under the human's thin body. Swiftly, he captured both of Julian's wrists in one hand and held them pinned above his head. "Perhaps *this* will teach you the lesson you deserve." He brought his free hand back to Julian's chest and, taking one nipple between thumb and forefinger, began to roll it back and forth slowly. Bashir gasped, and began to moan steadily. "Ah, yes. That's more like it. Suffer." He moved his hand to the other nipple, caressing the hardened peak. Bashir was thrashing now, his head rolling to and fro on the pillow. He nearly sobbed as he felt the Cardassian's warm, wet mouth come down and begin to kiss one swollen nipple. The kiss became more open-mouthed until Garak was sucking him, slowly, sensually. The human writhed helplessly under the relentless attack. "Oh, God! Garak!" The tailor's response was to kiss his way across Julian's pectorals to the other side, where his lips found a yearning peak. He sucked at it gently while one hand cupped and fondled its counterpart. The feeling of the damp nipple thrusting into his palm suddenly inflamed the Cardassian more that he could stand. He brought his mouth up to Bashir's in a hard, bruising kiss, tongue exploring avidly. Still holding the slender hands immobile, he brought his free hand down to Julian's groin. The doctor gasped as finally, finally, his rigid, aching penis was captured. He gasped again as the hot hand caressed the long, throbbing organ, stroking its length sensually, fingering the sensitive head until Bashir could bear no more. The young human exploded into orgasm, crying out repeatedly, thrusting again and again into his lover's hand until he lay limp and exhausted. Garak looked down at the sprawled body with satisfaction at a job well done. He bent to Bashir's torso and softly kissed first one, then the other nipple. Bashir moaned as if in protest, then sighed as the tailor moved back to his mouth and kissed it gently. He opened his eyes and gazed up at the tailor dreamily, his breathing slowing back to normal. Garak smiled down at him and released the captive hands. "Oh, Garak," Julian whispered. "That was truly effective punishment." "I'm glad you've learned your lesson, my dear. I trust I shall not need to repeat it?" "Oh, I wouldn't go *that* far! You never know when i might feel like....misbehaving again. But, Garak..." He reached up and caressed the Cardassian's cheek. "...next Valentine's Day, why don't you leave the part about the chocolates to me?" Garak tried to look miffed, but gave up, laughing. He took his young lover into his arms and held him tightly. "Whatever you say, Julian. My love. My heart."