The Bandit Ep1"( MF cons )

     "It was a dark and stormy night...."  

     Twink winced and put the book down.  Gee whiz, she thought blankly, 
I'd never have dreamed that anyone would literally use that to start off a 
book!  It's appropriate, though, she added to herself as she looked out the 
window at the pouring rain.  The chill of January had lifted just enough to 
turn a blizzard of snow into sheets of thick, chilling rain that soaked to 
the bone and leached away all warmth.  It had been a perfect day to stay 
inside, she thought, and tomorrow would be soon enough to go out and face 
the world....  

     She looked at the clock.  Nearly midnight.  Soon the security gates 
would come down, and the building would be buttoned up safely for the 
night.  She sighed, set the book on the table by her bed, and began to 
undress.  She was down to bra and panties when she was startled by a timid 
knock at the door.  

     Twink looked up at the door, dropping her blouse on the floor in her 
sudden shock.  She quickly walked to the closet and drew out her bathrobe, 
tying it around herself as she cautiously called, "Who is it?"  

     "Twink?"  

     Twink's eyes went wide.  That voice....  

     "B--Bandit?"  Her voice was a choked whisper.  

     "Open the door? Please?"  The voice was very soft, almost weak.  

     Twink was at the door in two steps, throwing it open wide.  The Bandit 
was standing before her, shivering miserably in a snow parka and jeans that 
were dripping with rain.  His hair was matted down over his forehead, and 
his eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with dark circles, as if he hadn't slept 
in a long time.  He smiled, a feeble shadow of the famous Bandit grin.  
"H--Hi."  

     Twink just stared at him for a bare second, then threw her arms around 
him and hugged him to her fiercely.  "Oh, BANDIT!"  

     "No!  No, don't, I'm soaking wet, I'm freezing," the Bandit said 
quickly, pulling her away from him.  "You'll catch cold--" He sneezed 
violently.  

     "Sounds like you already have," Twink said with a worried look, 
pulling him into her room and shutting the door.  She began to remove his 
parka.  "Get out of those wet things before you freeze.  I'll pop them in 
the dryer while you go down the hall and take a nice, long shower to warm 
up.  There's some soap, shampoo and a towel in the top drawer."  She 
stripped off his wet clothes, layer by layer: he was soaked clear through, 
his skin wrinkled and icy to the touch.  Even his penis seemed shrunken and 
miserable, huddled against itself in the chill.  Twink, all business, 
didn't even touch it.  She handed the Bandit her room key, and said, "I 
expect you to be in the shower when I get back.  Okay?"  

     "Ok--kay," he said through chattering teeth as she shut the door on 
her way out.  He pulled open the drawer and retrieved the necessary items, 
his fingers numb and trembling, and tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom.  
It was deserted, he noted quickly as he poked his head in the door.  
Quickly he stepped inside and into one of the shower stalls, throwing on 
the hot water full blast.  He stepped into the shower, wincing, and just 
stood under the steaming spray, his eyes closed.  Five minutes passed, then 
another five.  His trembling gradually stopped.  He stretched luxuriantly 
under the water, then turned it down to a more reasonable temperature and 
began to soap his hair.  

     "Bandit? Are you in there?"  

     He smiled at the sound of Twink's voice, echoing eerily in the tiled 
room.  "Yeah, it's me," he said, his voice much more assured than it had 
been a few minutes before.  

     "Oh, good," Twink said, drawing aside the shower curtain and stepping 
in beside him.  She was as naked as he was, and was smiling in expectation 
of his reaction.  She stopped.  He was facing away from her, into the 
spray, and was rinsing off his face and head.  "Are you going to join me?"  
His burbling call was too loud for one who knew she was in there with him.  

     Twink's smile turned playful.  "Sure," she whispered as she slipped 
her arms around his waist and began to fondle his penis, which was already 
nearly hard.  The Bandit jumped at her touch, then relaxed against her as 
her hand wrapped around his shaft and began to rhythmically squeeze it and 
stroke it up and down.  He reached behind him, holding out the soap.  

     "Here," he laughed.  "As long as you're in here, make yourself 
useful."  

     Twink took the soap and began to lather the Bandit's body gently.  His 
shoulders, his back, his sides and under his arms, then his hips, his 
buttocks, and around to his penis and testicles and up his stomach and 
chest.  He leaned back against her and sighed as she worked, saying, "That 
feels heavenly...."  

     "Your turn," Twink replied, gently turning him around and handing him 
the soap.  She stepped into his arms and kissed him gently as he soaped the 
broad curves of her back and shoulders, down to her buttocks and hips.  He 
broke the kiss and turned her around, leaning her forward against the wall 
of the shower stall as he reached around her to soap and rub her belly and 
full, hanging breasts.  

     Twink gasped as she felt his hardness in the cleft between her cheeks.  
"Bandit, be careful!  I'm not protected!"  

     "Good point," the Bandit sighed, turning her so the spray could rinse 
her clean.  He grinned at her as she rinsed her long blonde tresses in the 
spray, adding, "We're probably about to run out of hot water, anyway.  I 
can fuck you in the shower some other time."  

     A few minutes later they were back in Twink's room, wrapped in dry 
towels and sipping hot chocolate on her bed.  The hollows under the 
Bandit's eyes were still there, but he looked 100% better, Twink decided 
happily.  Now that I know he'll be okay....  

     "What are you doing here, Bandit?"  

     The Bandit looked sheepish.  "I was coming to visit you and everyone 
else at Arcadia for a few days.  I thought I would be here during the early 
evening, so I could talk to everybody and make arrangements for where to 
stay, but I had car trouble about twenty miles south of Arcadia and had to 
get a tow the rest of the way.  My car's in the shop until Monday at the 
earliest.  I didn't get on campus until after eleven, and I didn't know 
where else to try, so I came here.  Would you like me to call Zero and ask 
for some floor space?"  

     "Don't be silly," Twink smiled.  "You're with me for the duration."  

     The Bandit actually looked relieved.  "Thanks," he said with a more 
confident grin than she'd seen from him yet.  "That's good to know...."  

     "Why wouldn't you stay here?"  

     He shrugged.  "What if the Paladin were visiting?"  

     "Oh."  Twink rested her chin on her hand thoughtfully.  "I hadn't 
thought of that.  It would be kind of awkward, wouldn't it?"  She smiled 
suddenly and added, "Well, that's not important.  We saw each other over 
Winter Break, and we'll see each other again in March.  But for now, 
Guinevere's probably keeping him warm on those cold North Dakota nights, 
and now I have you to keep ME warm."  She leaned forward and kissed his 
lips gently.  

     "You're trembling," she smiled, pulling away slightly.  

     "I always tremble when I'm near you," he whispered.  He set his cup of 
chocolate down on the table and took hers from her hand, setting it aside 
as well.  He reached out for her, twining his fingers in her damp hair and 
kissing her hungrily as he fell forward onto her, pushing her down on her 
back.  

     "Wait, wait," she protested around his lips.  "Please."  

     "What's the matter?"  He drew back from her, suddenly concerned.  

     "I want to show you something I learned how to do this summer, back 
home," she said with a little giggle.  She gently pushed him off of her, 
her towel falling away as she did so.  She lay back on the pillow, golden 
and naked, and spread her legs apart for him, her perfect labia glistening 
with the last few drops of water from the shower.  Smiling up at him, she 
reached into the drawer in the bed table and drew out a metal tube and a 
small plastic package, which she opened to remove a small cup-shaped object 
of pink plastic.  

     The Bandit's eyes narrowed with interest.  "What is that? It's too 
small to be a diaphragm...."  

     "It's a cervical cap," Twink said, licking her lips in concentration 
as she carefully applied a thin bead of clear fluid from the tube into the 
cup, coating it evenly.  "My gynecologist said I wasn't built properly for 
a diaphragm to work well, and that a cap would be safer.  Here, watch 
this."  She reached down and spread her labia apart, exposing the red inner 
folds of her vagina, and deftly slipped the cap into her.  "Oooh, it's 
always cold at first," she laughed, tucking it into place with two ladylike 
fingers.  Wiping her hands on her towel, she said, "Now we have to wait a 
few minutes...."  

     "No problem," the Bandit replied with an evil grin.  He suddenly knelt 
down before her and buried his face in her groin, his tongue finding her 
clitoris almost instantly.  Twink's eyes flew wide open, then as swiftly 
squeezed tightly shut, as she arched her back and began to grind her hips 
into his face.  Her pussy was moist and dripping with fluids, and the 
Bandit slurped and sucked away merrily as he felt her start to come, and 
come, and come....  

     He pulled away from her, licking his lips.  "Want more?"  

     "Uh, mmmm, don't stop, Bandit, please!  I'm coming, lots of little 
ones, oh God, please don't stop!"  

     "All righty."  He returned to his task, his tongue flicking over her 
clit as it swelled and swelled and her moans grew louder and louder.  

     "Twink?"  

     "Mmmm--yeah?"  

     "Have I waited long (slurp) enough?"  

     "Hmmm? OH!  Uh, yeah, I think so, climb on top of me, hurry!"  

     He didn't need any further encouragement.  He kissed his way up her 
belly and past her breasts, wiping his face on her skin as he went, and 
kissed her hard as he lowered himself between her legs.  The taste of her 
juices on his lips seemed to excite her more than ever, and she frantically 
reached down and grasped him, pulling his length to the opening of her 
cunt.  

     "Fuck me, oh, hurry, FUCK ME!"  

     "Yes, ma'am."  The Bandit slid into her easily, and she gasped as he 
set up a steady, pounding rhythm.  She was wound up as taut as a bridge 
cable, and he'd been holding back for this moment, so it only took a minute 
or two of hard stroking before she gasped and cried out with another orgasm 
as he emptied himself into her with a long-drawn sigh of relief.  He 
collapsed on top of her, exhausted, as her fumbling fingers found and 
pressed the light switch.  

     "I'm glad to be back...."  

     "Welcome home, love.  Sleep well."  

     The morning sun streamed into the room, bathing furniture and naked 
bodies alike in soft warmth.  There was no trace of last night's storm, and 
the sky was friendly and blue over the Bandit and Twink as they lay 
intertwined in bed, whispering to one another in the glow that settles 
after a good night's sleep and a waking to gentle, teasing loveplay and 
mutual orgasm.  

     "I missed you so...."  There were tears in Twink's eyes.  

     "I missed you, too," the Bandit smiled, hugging her tightly.  "You're 
a big part of the reason why I came to visit.  I wanted to see how you 
were, make sure you were doing okay.  Am I being too protective of you?"  

     "Yes," she said simply, "But I don't mind.  It's a way of telling me 
you love me, and I'll never turn that aside."  She smiled and shut her eyes 
as his fingers gently traced the outline of a broad, swollen nipple.  
"Mmmmm!"  

     "Has your pussy been lonely without me?"  He bent down to kiss the 
nipple gently, rolling it across his tongue.  

     "Not really," she sighed, holding his head to her breast.  

     "No?"  He mumbled around his mouthful.  "I'm jealous.  You can really 
last that long between bouts with the Paladin?"  

     "Well, no," she said uncertainly.  "That's not what I meant."  

     He stopped.  Slowly he pulled away and looked up at her.  "You're 
seeing somebody else?"  

     "Only once or twice," she said softly.  Her eyes were full of pain, a 
reflection of the pain she saw in his eyes.  "They were just scattered 
incidents....at the time, they seemed the right thing to do....please don't 
hate me for it...."  

     "Oh, Twink, I don't hate you!"  The Bandit hugged her hard, her head 
cradled on his shoulder.  He sighed.  "Were you at least careful?"  

     "Oh, yes!  I always used my cap, and I trusted them not to have 
anything catching."  

     "Anyone I know?"  

     "Well...yes, actually."  Something in her voice made him pull away and 
look her in the eye.  

     "Like who?"  

     "....Zero."  

     The Bandit's eyes popped.  "You slept with my BEST FRIEND?"  

     She returned his accusing gaze coolly.  "I slept with Zero," she said 
with as much dignity as she could manage with tears pouring down her face.  
"I can assure you that the fact that he was your best friend never entered 
into things.  In fact, I didn't think about you very much at all during the 
whole incident."  

     "I'm not surprised," the Bandit muttered.  "So, what did you think of 
his, what the hell's he call it, 'Jimi'?"  

     "It was incredible," she said softly, her eyes shining with the 
memory.  "We went for hours and hours.  Once the bleeding stopped, it was 
like nothing I'd ever felt before!"  

     "Once the--" The Bandit frowned, remembering.  "Oh.  Your hymen."  

     "Yup."  She smiled, brushing his hair back from his eyes.  "You and 
the Paladin only stretched it out.  But he tore it wide open on the first 
push.  I screamed bloody murder, he thought he'd killed me.  But after the 
pain went away, he was--" She stopped.  "Please don't hate HIM for it, 
Bandit.  It was my idea.  I was so lonely, and so was he...it just, well, 
it just happened."  

     "Wait a minute!  HE was lonely? With a hose monster like Diva sucking 
him dry every night? What the hell happened?"  

     "Oh, my God, you didn't know!"  Her hand flew to her mouth.  

     "Know what?"  

     "They broke up in September, just after she came back to school."  

     "Whoa, hold it a second.  ZERO and DIVA--" 

     "Broke up."  She nodded.  

     "Lord God Almighty!  I turn my back for ten seconds and the Universe 
starts unraveling!"  The Bandit fell back on the pillows, one hand over his 
face.  "How the hell did THAT happen?"  

     "Well, she came back and found out he'd been sleeping with Mary 
Magdalene over the summer, and--" Twink stopped short as he looked aghast 
at her.  "Oh.  You didn't know about that, either."  

     "No.  I didn't."  He fell back again, staring at the ceiling.  What 
the hell happened, he wondered.  My best friend's dinked every girl I ever 
loved in this school.  Except Teenie, and she doesn't count.  Why me? 

     "Bandit? Are you okay? You look pale."  

     "Uh, I'm fine.  Let's just say it takes a little getting used to."  

     She remained unconvinced.  "I think I hit you with too much, too 
soon."  

     "No, I'm all right.  If he didn't hurt you, then I have no animosity 
toward him.  He's still my best friend."  Even if he HAS been sticking that 
mutant monstrosity into every pussy I love....Christ!  

     He sighed and looked at her.  "Anyone else?"  

     "Well...."  She looked uncertain.  "Did I tell you about Mary 
Magdalene?"  

     "Yeah, you just said--" He stopped, his mouth suddenly going dry.  
"Wait a minute," he croaked.  "About Mary Magdalene and...who?"  

     "Me," she said, her eyes downcast.  

     A vision exploded in the Bandit's skull, full technicolor with Dolby 
stereo: Twink sinking back onto her back on this very bed, her smooth body 
open and inviting, her arms outstretched and a smile of pure ecstasy on her 
face as Mary Magdalene's breasts dangled over hers and she leaned down 
and-- 

     "Um, no," he said, shivering slightly.  "You hadn't mentioned that."  

     "We did it acouple of times," Twink said softly, "When the world was 
being tough on one or the other of us...  After the time with Zero--" 

     "WHAT?"  The vision was back, but this time there was a new element: 
Mary Magdalene kneeling on Zero's hips and pumping up and down on his huge 
shaft, Twink sitting on his face with his huge nose probing her pussy, the 
two women he loved more than anyone smiling at one another, leaning forward 
and kissing, oh, God, KISSING EACH OTHER-- 

     "How--how was it?"  His voice was a terrified croak.  

     Twink thought a moment, and then shrugged.  "Crowded," she said.  

     The Bandit's eyebrow raised.  "Crowded?"  

     "Yeah," she nodded.  "Crowded."  

     The Bandit began to laugh.  He laughed, and laughed, and laughed until 
he was crying, and Twink was holding him against her breast and laughing 
and crying with him.  "I love you," she said between sobs.  "Nobody can 
open my heart, no matter what the rest of my body tells me.  Nobody but 
you, and the man I'm marrying.  Did I ever tell you why I wanted to stay a 
virgin?"  

     "No," he whispered into her hair.  

     "I had to," she whispered.  "I had to keep something of myself back 
from you.  I knew, I, I just knew th-that if I let you take me that way 
you'd take all of me, a-and I'd be lost forever....I LOVED you too m-
MUCH...."  

     "Aw, Twink!"  Zero, Mary Magdalene, Diva were forgotten in moments.  
"Never love someone that much!  Never, NEVER love someone that much!  It's 
bad, it hurts you, promise me you won't, promise me!"  

     "I love you, Bandit...."  She kissed him, tears running down his neck.  
"I know we could never make it work, I know that, but I...."  

     "Shhhhh....shhhhhhh...."  He held her closely, rocking her against 
him.  

     For a long time, the room was silent.  



     "Hi, gang!"  

     Eight heads turned sharply at the familiar greeting, long gone unheard 
in the East Habitat Main Lounge.  Eight pairs of eyes could only stare in 
shock as the Bandit calmly sat down in a free chair and smiled around him.  

     "No, it's not a mirage," he chuckled.  "How is everyone?"  

     At that, the Lounge erupted into life.  The Bandit found himself being 
bodily lifted up off the ground and crushed half to death by Conan.  

     "BANDIT!"  

     "I'm--whoof!--glad to see you too, big guy!"  

     "When'd you get here?"  

     "Last night.  Put me down!"  

     Bone and Thud shook hands with the Bandit, grinning widely.  

     "Yo, Bone!  Hi, Thud.  Made any decisions, yet?"  

     "Actually, I may be ordained, AND become gay," Thud said pleasantly.  
"In this day and age, the two aren't always mutually exclusive."  

     "What the heck," the Bandit said, shaking his head.  "Hi, Diva.  Can I 
hug you without getting kicked in the groin?"  

     "Of course, Bandit!  What a question!"  She smiled and hugged him 
tightly, kissing him on the cheek.  Suddenly he felt her tongue flick his 
earlobe gently, and heard a tiny whisper.  "You and me, later."  

     The Bandit wasn't as unprepared for this as he might've been.  His 
face betrayed nothing as he let go of Diva and shook hands warmly with the 
Rainbow Wizard, and gave Flower a polite kiss on the cheek.  "Good to see 
you again, Wiz.  Still in remission, I hope?"  

     "I had an incident over the summer," the Rainbow Wizard replied.  "The 
doctors tried out some new medication, and it didn't sit well with me.  But 
I'm okay now."  He smiled beatifically.  "Life beyond Arcadia seems to have 
treated you well, Bandit."  

     "I can't complain," the Bandit grinned.  "How's it going, Lanky?"  

     "Real well.  Graduation bound, like everyone else!"  Lanky's hair was 
now nearly to his waist, and he brushed it back from his face and smiled at 
the Bandit, who was shaking hands with Plaids.  

     "Howdy, Plaid Thang!  Still the master of playing with the organ?"  

     Plaids blushed furiously amidst the ripple of laughter.  "Actually, 
yes," he said quietly.  "I've nailed a position as a church organist back 
home once I graduate.  The pay isn't great, but it's a start...."  

     "That's fantastic news!"  He smiled around him at the friendly faces, 
his eyes bright.  "Damn, it's good to be back!"  He looked around.  "Anyone 
know where Zero and the Sloth are?"  

     He didn't miss the sudden frown on Diva's face.  "They're in the 
Recital Hall over at the Music School," the Rainbow Wizard said with a 
smile.  "They're scheduled to do a concert this afternoon and play the 
Clean Room tonight, and they've been having a terrible time getting set up.  
It seems they've overstretched themselves in their attempts to outdo Starch 
and myself."  

     The Bandit's eyes narrowed at the Wiz's too-superior tone.  "Oh, 
really?"  he drawled.  "Well, I think I'll just mosey on over there and see 
what's what."  He turned and headed for the door.  "Later, gang."  

     "Was that necessary?"  Diva demanded angrily.  

     "It seemed so at the time," the Rainbow Wizard said mildly.  

     "Shit, shit, SHIT!"  The Sloth stopped the tape recorder angrily, and 
began threading the tape back onto the reels from its tangled heap on the 
ground.  "I can't learn to do this in three hours!  We're sunk!"  

     "No, you're not," came a strange voice from the other end of the room.  
The Sloth and Zero, both covered in patchcords and cable, looked up in 
surprise, and both smiled widely as the Bandit strolled down the aisle to 
the stage.  He bounded up to meet them, gave Zero a hard hug, then followed 
suit with the Sloth.  "I hear you guys need an extra pair of hands...."  

     "What are you doing here, Bandit?"  Zero asked curiously.  

     "Later on, I'll be reminiscing with you two over a beer or three," the 
Bandit replied crisply.  "But for now, I'm helping you out of a jam.  
What's up, and is there anything I can do to help?"  

     "No," said the Sloth.  

     "YES," Zero said firmly.  He glared at the Sloth, and continued, "That 
taped-drum dingus you designed isn't working very well.  Neither the Sloth 
nor I can get it to run as cleanly as you used to.  We could use your 
touch."  

     His eyes carefully on the Sloth, who was looking away from him and 
scowling, the Bandit said, "If the taped drums weren't working, why are you 
even attempting to use them? They were my idea.  Why weren't you guys doing 
something more suited to just the two of you?"  

     "We are," the Sloth said, not turning around.  "But not now."  

     Zero explained, "Remember that concert we gave at the Music School 
right before Commencement last year? Well, the new Chancellor heard about 
it soon after he was inaugurated, and expressed a lot of interest, since 
none of us are Music School students and we generated more press than 
anyone in the School last year.  So he asked us to give a repeat 
performance of the set for him and some visiting bigshots, and anyone else 
who wanted to come."  He waved his arms about him at the tangle of 
disorganized synthesizers, mixing gear, and tape machines.  "And here we 
are."  

     "Why didn't you call me?"  

     "No time," Zero said.  "Besides, the Sloth wanted us to try it 
ourselves, to see if we could do it without you."  He looked over at the 
Sloth, who had folded his arms angrily and was still looking away from 
them.  

     "That's stupid!"  The Bandit exploded.  "You know how much acrobatics 
is involved in setting everything up!  It's a miracle the three of us could 
pull it off--with two, it'll be impossible!"  

     The Sloth whirled to face him.  "I'm just pissed off that you think 
you can come waltzing in here and wave your magic wand and make everything 
all right again, just like that!  We're doing all right for ourselves 
without you, Bandit!  We've got a new band, we've got a new bassist, a new 
drummer, a new singer-- we didn't curl up and die after you left!  And I 
RESENT like HELL the implication that we did, and that we're helpless 
without you!"  

     "I NEVER IMPLIED THAT!"  The Bandit was barely half the Sloth's size, 
but when he got angry there was no louder voice in Arcadia.  "But this is a 
trio for synthesis and stringed instruments!  You can't do it with two 
people any more than you can do a string quartet properly with no violin!"  

     More calmly, he continued, "You're not proving anything by accepting 
the Chancellor's request, other than that you were too proud to realize 
what a mistake you were making.  I didn't come back here to save your 
bacon, I came back here to visit my so-called FRIENDS!"  He glared fiercely 
at the two of them.  "I wouldn't have even known about it if the Rainbow 
Wizard hadn't gloated to me that you two IDIOTS were about to fall flat on 
your FACES!"  

     "Bandit, we--" 

     "SHUT UP!"  The Bandit's eyes burned.  "I helped compose this piece.  
I designed the setup for this piece.  I played one third of the parts on 
this piece!  And you have NO RIGHT to perform it without me, or without my 
knowledge and my permission!  I've got half a mind to sit in the audience, 
right next to Starch and his gang of baby scarers, and laugh at you while 
you make fools of yourselves in front of the Chancellor!"  His took a deep 
breath.  "You've got a choice.  Either work with me or don't.  But if you 
don't, make damn sure you stand up and tell the audience that you're two 
people trying to do three people's work, or I'LL stand up and tell them 
MYSELF, because I don't want MY good name mangled because of YOUR stupid 
pride.  And if you do, make damn sure you tell everyone that this is the 
last time you'll do this stuff, because the next time I won't be here."  

     There was a long silence.  Then the Sloth turned to the Bandit, and 
sighed.  "All right, mea culpa," he said.  "Maybe I DID have something to 
prove.  To you, to Starch...to me.  But I don't have to like getting bailed 
out like this!"  

     "Who says you're getting bailed out?"  The Bandit smiled softly.  "I 
haven't rehearsed this piece in eight months.  If we get it to work it'll 
be a miracle!  But if you guys'll have me, we'll give it a go, all right?"  

     "...All right," the Sloth nodded reluctantly.  

     "All right," Zero said with his old smile.  

     "Well, good!  And next time, do your OWN stuff, okay? I'm looking 
forward to hearing your new band tonight in the Clean Room, and I don't 
want to hear nothing but rehashes of the old tunes we did with Livewire!"  

     "Point taken," the Sloth said.  "Now help me with this stupid tape."  


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