I have never seen a flame since I'm new to cyperspace. I gather #437 is a flame. Since Ms. 437 addresses me directly, I'll answer her. First of all your letter filled me with sadness, as did Julie of #423-4. There are many ways of viewing a situation and perhaps a new viewpoint would be worthwhile for you. You do seem terribly angry a decade after the event. While I do understand your pain and anger (I don't presume to be in a position to feel your pain), I perceive that your anger is a liability in your life. I refer you to letter #399 where he is 6 and she is 8 and #431 he 7/she 13 and #436 he 9/she 16. How can one assert that the males here are lust-filled preditors? In #431 and #436 it is the female that is clearly out of bounds. The problem we have is not that all males are preditors (though many are) it is that some people, male and female, are preditors. These letters are as credible as yours. We need to take them at face value. Some, not all, women enjoy sex. Refer to #438. While I might question each of the couple's judgement, the enjoyment of sex seems to be mutual. I don't say that YOU should enjoy sex, just that there are some men who give some women pleasure. There are other positive letters and some the illustrate the assertation that all the males brains are in his penis. Your prom date raped you. He commited a criminal act and deserves jail time. His parents are guilty of criminal neglagence or the next thing to it. They have an affirmative duty to protect occupants of their house. By not telling your parents, you denied them the opportunity to act on your behalf--this was nothing blameworthy on your part, just regretable. Did you report this assault to anybody? I think your steady had some redeaming qualities. He went steady with you for 3 years and I suspect it wasn't for the sex. Sex given grudgingly isn't all that satisfying. He did use a condom for whatever reason. I think males that have intercourse with unmarried lovers are not loving of their partners. With a different father who wouldn't have given thumbs up, he might have not commited this crime. I don't mean to excuse the 18 yr old but to co-indite the father and perhaps the mother as well. Since when does a woman owe a man sex in a non-prostitution setting? I take issue with your use of the words "hop on". I find them insulting. I made credible preparations for love making. The champagne and caviar was incidental, a gift of the hotel and not an inducement by me. We chose not to open the wine because we both wanted to sober and "totally present". Toni's religon forbids certain drinks and that was another reason even though she felt abandoned by her religon at the time. I had no thoughts of being a therapist and was not considered as such by Toni. My thoughts at the time was that I was receiving the payoff of patience, consideration, and being a generally good guy. I accepted a gift that was freely offered. Toni was reacting to her rape in her own way and to say that she didn't know what she was doing or that I was exploiting her is to in sult her. Not only was Toni betrayed by her prom date, his parents, but also her own parents. Toni reacted actively (for good or ill) and did not wallow in passive victimhood. I am convinced that she suffered subsequent coersion. I did press Toni to seek medical attention once I became aware of her injuries. Vaginal tearing was probable, just as I think it might have been the case for you. Toni made her choice to make the best of the lovers' tryst and I accepted. To do otherwise I would have dishonored Toni. By the way, you and all your contemporaries should appreciate the existance of women's centers; such were not existant 32 years ago. Rape at the time was a capital punishment crime. At the least it was 20 years and it was indeed 20 years with none of this early release business. To be charged with rape was a scary experience. Toni's Prom date was not charged. The stigma does not go away. However, I moved away and put I behind me and have made a life for myself. I made extensive inquires soon after and at intervals. I and Toni's friends became well acquainted, in comparing notes. The friend who lent Toni a prom dress and other clothes never had anything returned. Such was the totality of Toni's disappearance. The age of majority was 21 and those under were considered children. The "sanctity of family" was held sacred. Prosecuting parents for child abuse is a recent development. The last time I checked I had my wife of 8 years with me. I had forsaken all others, Toni included, 8 years before. To suggest that I was "between pussies" insults me. If you must know, I have had all the pussy I could possibly want, freely given, joyfully given, for 24 years. I insult my wife by use of such terms but I want to make myself perfectly clear to you. Once again, Ms. 437, I regret that you were assauted, injured, and betrayed. I know that I can never remotely begin to feel your pain. To dismiss one half the human race is not survival adaptive. Perhaps you might choose never to have sex with a man, but you need to consider whether the stress on you, living among an "enemy that you are at war with", is healthy for you. I suggest that it might benefit you to work with a fellow human who has expertise in such matters, to work toward some sort of personal "armistise". benefit