Cruise 3/3 iii. When we got back to Miami and bid each other goodbye with promises to meet often on chatlines and e-mail each other and so on, I didn't want to quit. Still, the cruise had ended. Evan gave me a sisterly kiss good bye and I kissed him back, kissed "her" back I guess it had to be starting now. And Davis shook my hand, thanking me for everything I'd done to bring the two of them together -- I'd always be a welcome guest in their home. Then they left, and for the moment I was alone. I glanced over to the other end of the dock, where I saw Maddie and Brett, presumably the other girls too, still wrapped in one boy after another, kissing them goodbye -- the boys' tongues obviously deep in their mouths and penises rubbing one last time against their groins. Brett still didn't know that she no longer had a husband -- that was a satisfying thought. And now Maddie would return to hers, that was more satisfying. Some of the boys I'd been with then came up to thank me the same affectionate way, and I gave each a grope and squeeze to remember me by. I knew I'd miss them, especially the really fun ones, the ones who were sweet and gentle and romantic and considerate of my feelings and all, and then once they were snug and well-positioned and fitted deep inside me, went absolutely crazy. They told me they'd miss me too, and I knew they would. Michael, a gentle man in his mid-thirties, told me he'd never forget me, and there were tears in his eyes. He'd been my favorite, we'd had something together I couldn't define. I felt so sorry for him that I had to smuggle him into a booth in the Ladies and give him one last blow job. He was such a dear man! He asked for a souvenir to remember me by, anything at all, so I gave him my bra, a lacy thing I'd outgrown anyhow because of the two additional weeks I'd been on hormones. I gave it to him on the condition that he wear it all day at least once a week and think of me. He could barely utter the words vowing to me that yes he would, he certainly would, he wanted to, he'd love to. He has possibilities, I was thinking as we kissed goodbye. 'Do unto others' came to mind. I knew I'd remember his e-mail address. When we emerged from the Ladies' the dock was nearly deserted. Maddie and her crew were nowhere to be seen. Roy came up to me while I was wondering if Maddie expected me to meet her at the airport. "That woman Maddie you know, she lives in the same town you do? Maybe you work for her? She gave me a message." 'Oh?" "She says she's going to Tahoe for a week with a guy who has an estate there. She knows you won't mind, and she'll call when she gets back. She asked me to tell you to make sure the house is in perfect order, and to re-stock the pantry. Then a woman named Brett reminded her to remind you to buy new aprons and uniforms for yourself. A lot of their friends from this cruise have promised to visit, so you can expect to be a really busy girl looking after their needs." This wasn't news I was prepared to hear. It didn't sound right. Something was gnawing at me. My understandings with Maddie were that my pretending I'm a girl, my one-time belief that I actually was one, our vacation from our marriage, my promiscuity and hers, all these were for this cruise only, a two-week interlude so we could both take full advantage of the cruise tickets I'd won. Then we'd resume what we'd had, what we'd been to each other. Now that the two weeks were over, I expected to revert to my former self. I hadn't quite yet -- I still loved the guys who'd loved me, and I still wanted to please them as they'd pleased me, but this was farewell to them. I didn't remember how all those dresses were waiting for me in my closet back home, nor how thoroughly surgeons and hormones had feminized my body. Maddie had really cooked my mind with those triggers Dr. Renfrew had given her. But I sensed uncomfortably that Maddie wasn't keeping her part of the bargain. She wasn't reverting to her former role as a loyal and faithful wife, not at all. She was still being a girl who wants fun, enjoying her freedom, as horny and uninhibited as ever. On her own she was extending our two weeks into yet another week, into many more weeks, into forever? And she was now initiating -- no, she was renewing -- for me a role I wasn't even previously aware of before, that of a servant girl of some sort. "Oh yes," Roy said. "Very important, Maddie said. She told me she'd phone you tonight, and you should be sure to be by the phone. She must speak with you. But if your flight's delayed or anything, you should call her at this number. There's something urgent she needs to say. Something about 'triggers,' There it was. It had been over a week since Maddie had last left off fucking her entourage and briefly visited my stateroom for a chat and the triple repetition of certain commands. Afterward I'd had no recollection of what we'd said, but it didn't seem to matter. Now, suddenly, I understood why. It did matter. She'd renewed my hypnotic conditioning for the second week of the cruise. But it was wearing off again. I was now noticing things I hadn't noticed before. I glanced down at me. I had a woman's body, tits and hips and an ass, though with a penis I'd somehow forgotten to use, not even seen for the past two weeks except as a clit. All Maddie's doing. And all my clothes were women's clothes now, here and also at home. I remembered for the first time the fun we'd had together packing up all of my male clothing, how we'd called the Salvation Army to haul them away, how my boxer shorts and heavy wool suits had looked so silly that day, so inappropriate and unflattering compared with my new-purchased panties and girl-on-the-go dresses and tailored suits, how we'd giggled and made jokes about them. I didn't want them ever again, those man's suits. And I still felt that way. But now it seemed odd that I felt that way. Moreover, though I was supposed to be through being a girl, I'd taken my hormone pills this morning, and I had every intention to keep taking them. Though I'd agreed to be a woman for just these two weeks, I wanted to stay this way a lot longer. Permanently? I didn't know, but I loved who I was. Obviously I was a man with a wife with her own schemes and her own agenda, who'd gotten my cooperation without my full consent and expected to keep it without my quite knowing what she was doing. How much of this was now really me? How much of it was that small innate strain of transvestism Dr., Renfrew had located and strengthened, allowing Maddie to make me over altogether, as she had, into a non-husband, a girlfriend and fellow whore? I still loved what she'd done to me, and I still loved her for doing it! But I would have to wait it out before I could find and make up my own mind. There was nothing for it. I'd not talked to Maddie since that short visit to my stateroom -- we'd both been too busy screwing our guys. My triggers apparently had a half-life of a week, and were again fading. That was why, even though she'd abandoned me to go to Lake Tahoe, she wanted to talk to me. To cinch me down pending her return. That wouldn't happen. I had to dry out and see for myself where I stood. Until we had an understanding I could trust, I couldn't trust myself to listen to Maddie's voice. If I did, I was sure to end up an old maid. Hers. "Roy honey," I asked him. I was recalling that enormous prick of his, but also that he was a decent man. "Where do you live?" "Here, Leslie. In Miami. I'm already home. Strictly speaking, I live in South Beach, in a co-op with other gay guys like me." He paused. "And one or two girls like you. As I see it, same thing." "I've had a wonderful time the last two weeks," I said. It was so easy to be a woman of easy virtue, a vamp, that I almost felt ashamed of myself! "I hate to see it end." Roy heard me. "Then it won't end, doll! Is that your luggage?" Four hours later I was laying out my clothes on a bed in Roy's co-op in South Beach, preparing to hang them up so they wouldn't get wrinkled. We had an understanding. I'd pay him rent for my bed, a fuck a day and all the head he could handle. I'd already given him a three day advance, and I intended to get a week ahead before the current week ran out, because I wasn't sure I'd want to take on any man's cock by next week when I'd become myself again. Yet I needed a full two weeks away from Maddie before I could be sure that her triggers had faded away altogether into mere memory. Roy had wonderful friends who gave great welcome-home parties, and I was still playful and bubbly enough to be invited to all of them. We were honored guests for a few days at an estate in Key West, where I entranced everyone with a talent I'd not known I had, as a stripper. The right music played one night, and before I knew it I was on a small stage peeling off my gloves, and then, provocatively, everything else. This was something Maddie must have instilled in me to entertain her guests with after we arrived home, I realized. I was expected to warm up her lovers for her. A week passed, and my taste in clothing began to change. I rummaged through Roy's closet, looking for men's pants that fit. But I found that his slacks were too tight around my hips and too bunched in the waist. So I went out and bought some "relaxed fit" woman's slacks, then also a lovely pair I couldn't resist, one squeezing my thighs and tightly clinging to my rear to give me ravishing curves. I also wanted to wear men's shirts again, but there too I had to compromise. I was way too up-thrust by my bra, and I needed a bra to keep my breasts from bouncing. I found some man-tailored blouses that fit me nicely. But not too severe nor revealing, the collar softened by a delightful lace scallop. Thus much for my reverting to a man's wardrobe. More significant and reassuring, I found myself taking an interest in girls again. As I watched some stroll the streets my penis took on a renewed life of its own. One night I beat off while thinking of girl I'd glimpsed that evening in a bar. Then thinking about Maddie. Then thinking about myself, what I'd become, and at that point I squirted! I explained all this to Roy, who was as decent as I'd hoped and told me he no longer expected sexual favors from me. But one night I asked him to caress my nipples just for a moment, and then got so passionately amorous I couldn't stop myself, and we were both exhausted by morning. Roy joked that the rent I'd promised to pay for my bed would never again fall into arrears, because he just had. Then he did me again. Men weren't at all bad, I decided, even though I now again felt that women were where most of it was at. As my mind cleared more, despite everything I missed Maddie. I was her husband, and I wanted to resume as her husband despite her betrayals. If, that is, I could trust that she wanted to resume as my wife. I'd even be willing to become her girlfriend again, I realized, if I could trust her not to free up time away from me by turning me into everyone else's girlfriend. As a concession to her, sort of, I was still taking my daily hormone pills. I knew I'd feel like less of a woman if I didn't. But that thought didn't make sense. I was confused. I decided to call Dr. Renfrew, who had seemed to me an ethical and responsible practitioner, if unorthodox, to lay it all out on the line and see what I was dealing with. I called, and told her I had a difficult problem to cope with that needed confidentiality and discretion both. "All my patients' problems are strictly confidential," she replied as if miffed that I could doubt it. "And I hope any help I offer is discreet." I took her at her word. "You remember, a month or so ago my wife and I came to you to help me locate my inner girl, so we could take advantage of a Caribbean cruise where I had to be a girl for two weeks?" "Yes, of course. It was unusual. And it isn't often I can do something to bring a husband and wife closer together like that, closer to understanding each other. That was my whole purpose. I hope you both learned to feel what the other was feeling all the more intimately?" "Not exactly," I replied. "Though me more than my wife." I told her how I had awakened from my visit to her office two weeks later to find my body and my face thoroughly altered, living as a woman and unaware I wasn't one. I then told her how Maddie and I had in effect taken separate vacations on that cruise ship, each of us doing the same thing, indulging a passion for men's bodies, hers apparently natural but mine triggered by post-hypnotic suggestions. "I recall a casual comment you made," I said, "that given my predilections you could turn me into a flouncing scum bag for all the gay men on board, but you wouldn't because we didn't want that? Well, Maddie did want that, and that's what I've been. Different men serviced us separately, hunks for her and gays for me." Her voice grew very serious. "That wasn't intended at all. The cues I gave her were to help you share her concerns, to make you more understanding of women by being one for a short while. She was supposed to use them affectionately to enhance a pleasant journey for you with new experiences for both of you. That's what you both wanted." "Yes, we did. And that's how she used them. What neither of us knew was that the women's experiences she wanted for both of us would be sexually uninhibited. We each had men under us, on us, and in us awake or asleep. Neither of us guessed that Maddie had that much of the devil in her." "I blame myself," Dr. Renfrew said thoughtfully. "I assumed too much. How are the two of you getting on now?" "I haven't dared speak to Maddie for nearly three weeks -- apparently she's still cheerfully promiscuous, and for the foreseeable future she wants me to serve as her maid, a girl who keeps up her household while she has fun with her men. I don't want that. So I've given her no opportunity to reinforce my behavioral triggers." "It's been three weeks? Then most of those cues are ineffective by now. They were supposed to last only a week or so at a time, just enough for you to develop feminine attributes and then enjoy them on that cruise ship. But if they were regularly reinforced, I suppose she could keep you a woman indefinitely." As I'd feared. Then Dr. Renfrew continued, "You do know I hope that you have your own powerful proclivities in that direction anyhow -- a natural desire for feminine things. You remember how a girl you were once seeing had no problem turning you into a transvestite, and then had sex with you repeatedly? You'll always want that to happen. You may be a touch transgendered too, genuinely womanly in some ways, most men who like to dress as women usually are. What I did with you was let that particular cat out of the bag, then what your wife did was turn the cat into a tiger. Now, I imagine that even without cues or triggers you'll want to look and behave like a woman for the rest of your life at least some of the time." "That's true," I said. "I do want to." "Well, think of it as life-enhancing. You're now bi-gendered, and thanks to your wife you're now bi-sexual too. That's not a bad thing. Do you still enjoy sex with men?" "Sex with the right man, yes." I looked at Roy, across the room, who was trying not to listen. "But I'm attracted to women again. And I do want to resume my former life. Despite everything she's done, I still love Maddie and want to live with her. Can I trust that feeling? Are those feelings something Maddie persuaded me, or are they my own?" "Obviously your own. Your wife triggered just the opposite in you. She used your love for her and her power over you to transfer your feelings for her into a desire for men. Yet you actually do love your wife despite everything. Well, many men are like that. L'amour fou, it's called, crazy love. I call it double-subbing, submission that feels sublime. You're fortunate to have that." There was a pause. "Dr. Renfrew, what should I do?" "What do you want to do, Mr. Crimmins?" "Return to my former life. Live faithfully with a faithful wife." "I'm afraid that isn't possible, at least not the old way. You've both tasted forbidden fruit and you're both hooked. You're both different now. You're a woman, effectively. I'll bet you've made no attempt yet to change your body back into a man's, and you're still taking hormones, and you're still dressed as a woman, aren't you?" "Yes. I prefer women's clothes because they fit better." "You hear what you're saying, don't you? That you don't want to change your body. Looking like a woman and knowing there's estrogen in your veins are now you." "Yes." I did. I let out a sigh, but felt strangely pleased nevertheless. "As a woman who's been around, I suspect you'll always be inclined to stray toward a cute man now and then. But also toward the kind of women who find your kind of man fascinating. Like Maddie." "But what can I do now?" "I see a possible solution. Maddie is already a woman who finds your kind fascinating. And she likes being in charge. Leslie, listen to me. I feel partly responsible for this. So listen to me. Send me an e-mail with Maddie's phone number and I'll talk to her. I'll tell her what you need. Don't you talk to her yet, except maybe by e-mail, under any circumstances. If you hear her voice, hang up immediately. Just listen to me. You may have a lovely, enriched married life yet. Do you hear me? "Yes, Dr. Renfrew." "Whatever I can negotiate with Maddie will be perfect for you." "Yes, Dr. Renfrew." "Do you feel better about all this now?" "Yes, Dr. Renfrew." "Good. Now enjoy whatever you are. These are your golden years. I'll get back to you." "I will, Dr. Renfrew." She hung up. I turned to Roy and stared at him thoughtfully a moment. He stared inquiringly back at me. "Roy," I asked him. "Do you think I should go braless from now on, the way you do?" "Leslie, I don't go braless. I'm a guy. I don't wear bras at all. My chest is shaped different from yours." "Is it? Let's look and compare!" I went over and began to unbutton his shirt. He pulled off my blouse and grasped my breasts and rolled my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers. "See?" he said. "Oh, God!" I replied, and then melted, sank to my knees in front of his crotch. "Oh, dear God!" I unzipped his pants. And then all at once there was nothing more I could say. Much later I told Roy about my conversation with Dr. Renfrew, and that evening he introduced me to a lesbian friend of his, a gorgeous lingerie catalog model named Diane who worked only for female photographers. She accepted me as a woman on sight, and was fascinated by what she called my hot dildo, the fact that it grew fully erect under her hands. It was my first hard-on in weeks. Though she wouldn't allow it into her mouth or her pussy, she seduced it into leaking and then spurting cream for me to lick off her palm when she wasn't feeding her own cream directly into my mouth from the slit between her legs. Maybe it won't be too bad, I thought to myself, being condemned to spend the rest of my life this way. Maybe I should feel grateful to Maddie. At that moment I certainly did. Diane's cunt smelled ambrosial. The next day I got an e-mail from Maddie. "Leslie honey, I'm so glad you're all right! I've been frantic! When I got to Tahoe I phoned home to tell you to do a few things, and when you weren't there, and not the next day either, I turned around and came home myself! I've been so worried! Dr. Renfrew tells me you're fine, but that there's a problem with your conditioning I should know about. I'll be seeing her this afternoon. Please write. I need to hear from you. Anything at all. I miss you." I wrote back "I miss you too, Maddie. A lot. I've missed you ever since we got on that cruise ship. Though neither of us had much time to notice once we got on that ship. She wrote back "Then you really did have a good time? And you don't mind that I fixed you to be my girlfriend and not my husband for much longer than just the two weeks of the cruise? And fixed it so you never even noticed, even after I told you?" I wrote back "I don't mind, now. I want what you want. I like being your girlfriend. It has advantages. But I don't like being every man's girlfriend. And anyhow, you should have asked me." She wrote back "Yes. I'm so sorry. So terribly sorry. I saw what Brett was doing with her husband, and I shouldn't have tried to imitate her. Now she's lost him forever. Or lost her, or whatever he is now. I hope I haven't lost you, Leslie honey. I do hope so. I love you. Dr. Renfrew is helping me see where I went wrong. I want to be a better wife to you. Please come home." I called Dr. Renfrew and asked her if I should come home. "Not yet. She still wants you on her old terms, she'll fuck whoever she pleases and you'll curtsy to them as you hand them condoms. But we're now negotiating more equitable terms to meet your needs as well as hers. When we reach a satisfactory agreement I'll trigger a desire in each of you to live up to it, and then it can't possibly fail. But that hasn't happened yet." For a few days Roy and Diane consoled me about Maddie, and I showed them both my appreciation. But then came a call from Dr. Renfrew. "Leslie?" she said. "Good news! You can come home now. If you've acquired any men's clothing while you've been waiting, you can take it with you, but I really don't think you'll need it. Here's the arrangement. No one will violate your wishes again. If you want to live as a man, you can. But you don't want to live as a man any more, do you? If you did, you'd be doing it right now, wouldn't you? And you're not, are you?" "No," I said. I didn't want to live as a man, not at all. "I could tell that much simply by the lilt in your voice. Well, Maddie will support you in that decision, and reinforce it occasionally. And she'll be faithful to you woman to woman for the rest of your life, to your meat dildo and to hers, if you'll have her." "I will," I said. "But sometimes, on weekends, now and then, she'll crave a woman to man relationship. That will be no reflection on you, only on what's left of your manhood, and apart from your penis I gather that's precious little. You'll support her in that decision, and reinforce it occasionally. You can do the same if you wish, take on a man or two now and then, and she'll support you without urging it. But only on weekends." "That sounds fair." "Good. Now listen closely to me. Listen closely. Listen closely." I found myself on a plane flying back home, eager to see and embrace my darling Maddie again. She was waiting impatiently for me at the baggage claim area of the airport. The other passengers were astonished to see two young women fly into each other's arms and kiss each other passionately, over and over, crying with joy. It was the reunion I'd dreamed of. When we got home we went straight to bed, and I fucked Maddie with the stiffest poker I'd had since our honeymoon night. Then I devotedly sucked all of my cum out her and fucked her yet again, and then once more in her luscious rear end. She writhed shrieking through every orgasm, and there were more than I could count. I felt incandescent! I glowed! We caressed each other's rounded bodies and breasts until our cravings quieted down, and then Maddie snuggled low and sucked on my cock. My brains quickly melted into cum and throbbed into her mouth, and she swallowed it all down. From then on we were of one mind. My every thought was hers as we slept snugged tight together, smooth legs entwined, breasts pressed to breasts, lips kissing. I knew I was a man, but I no longer felt like one except when Maddie wanted me to behave like one, and that was only in bed. In the morning I was soft as a kitten, and when my darling leaned over to nibble my lips I lay there helpless, quivering, deliciously weak, unable to move. "I'd love for you to stay this way always, sweetheart," she whispered. "My darling girl. So soft and yielding. Tell me you will." "I will." "You will?" "Yes." "I'm so glad you will," she said. "Yes," I replied. "I will." And from that moment I saw no reason ever to assert myself. Maddie took over my fast-track position at the Bank. I remained a teller, satisfied to keep banker's hours and devote my mind to more fascinating matters, like making myself beautiful. And to cuddle helplessly in her arms and between her legs night after night. Now and then she'd disappear for the weekend and return Sunday night exhausted, but I'd understand -- I'd await her return eagerly, so I could kiss her sore parts to make them feel better. Some weekends I'd cruise gay bars and get a piece of my own back. A few times I helped Ashley out when she was overbooked. I was always delighted to see Roy or Michael when they came through town. Michael had taken to wearing women's lingerie under his business suits all the time now, though he went the rest of the way and wore lipstick and dresses and a wig only on weekends. I loved advising him how to be more feminine, and he loved my advice. Both Roy and Michael saw how much more docile and pliable, how pillowy I was, always grateful to them as well as Maddie for any favors, always wanting to show them how grateful. Well, I told them, they'd been friends in need, and it was deeply satisfying for me to repay them every way I could. I missed Diane's lank, smooth body and aromatic flavor sometimes, but Maddie and I had agreed to be faithful, strictly. We agreed that the only girls we'd sleep with would be each other. Maddie kept her word and I kept mine. That seemed fair. But it was odd. No matter how sweetly demure I was most of the time, whenever Maddie would whisper "Oh, fuck me! Fuck me sweetheart, fuck me!," I'd grow strong, hard, and unyielding. My cock would rise like a tower, and I'd slam it into her over and over until finally she could scarcely cry out, "Stop! Stop! Stop!" By then she really felt well-fucked! That was how I knew that our cruise had indeed brought us closer together. I knew exactly how she felt.